The Downs and Ups We Travail...

It's some time since I 'blogged'.

I am still on course to qualify as a nurse, in around 7 months' time.

It has not been a smooth road.

The academic work has been fine, the clinical placements have been wonderful, I have met some incredible people. I have met people who gave me joy; and I have encountered those who share only sorrow.

Since I last 'blogged', I have had a house move. Although it was my only choice in order to heal a particular family relationship: I had to create some physical distance in order to protect myself emotionally from the old hurts - those poison old thorns which are driven in as a child, and only need a little twist as an adult.

My two lovely girls are now married. Daughters' wedding days are truly the most joyous occasion. I love my girls so much.

Late in 2010, sadly, our family was touched by the dark hand of stillbirth. The pain is indescribable. Truly, you must have experienced it yourself to understand. I can say no more. It is a very private pain too; people do not want to hear or offer comfort - perhaps it is just too terrible for people to handle, so they change the subject, blank it out. Unfortunately, we can't; we have just had to work through it as a family. But we are a strong and loving family, and we are getting through.

I have been unwell myself, I have microcytic anaemia which, as yet has been unresponsive to treatment. My renal function has dropped 11% in 2 years, there is always blood in my urine, every time it is tested, but they can't find any reason for it.I've stopped going to appointments, and am working on it myself.

My last year 2 placement (last June), after getting home from placement, I would just sleep. Sometimes I was too sleepy to eat, and just went straight to bed. I have lost weight, but that is a GOOD thing! I have gone down 2 waist sizes (about 4 inches I think). I am not going to say what those sizes are LOL.

But I still haven't missed a single day of either placement or uni since the course began. I am determined to be strong.

My mind and will can be stronger than my body: I have proven this time and time again in my life.

I am trying to eat healthily, especially more iron-rich food, and I am walking just over 3 miles, 3 times a week. It was difficult at first, because of the tiredness. Sometimes the tiredness makes me feel tearful as well. I take Pro-Plus caffeine tablets and I carry on. I CARRY ON.

Losing weight has helped I think, because it is less weight to carry around. Not skipping meals is helping. And even though I don't like to eat meat much, I am forcing myself to eat meat at least once a week, sometimes twice. I have learnt that drinking tea with iron-rich food prevents absorption of the iron. And I always did drink tea with meals. So try not to now, and I take vitamin C with iron-rich food, which increases the absorption. The iron tablets I was prescribed are a NO GO. They have made me violently ill every time I have tried to take them, preventing me from absorbing ANYTHING I have eaten!

So I am working on it through diet.

Knowing a little biology is always useful :)

Having lots of willpower is even MORE useful. I'm lucky, I have always been able to force my way through what my body was telling me.

I am not going to let ANYONE or ANYTHING prevent me from success in my nursing course.

All my life, since I was a child, I have had things taken away from me. Now that I have taken control, I am not going to let any more of the things I want and need in life be taken from me. That is not going to happen to me EVER AGAIN.